Healthy self-esteem means having a balanced, generally positive view of yourself while accepting flaws. Build it by noticing and challenging harsh self-criticism, recognising strengths and achievements, setting and meeting small goals, learning new skills, setting boundaries, spending time with supportive people, looking after your body and seeking support when low self-worth persists.
What self-esteem is, and is not
Healthy self-esteem is not arrogance or believing you are better than others. It is feeling that you have worth, can cope with challenges, and deserve respect, even when you make mistakes.
Signs of low self-esteem
- Harsh self-criticism.
- Difficulty accepting compliments.
- Avoiding challenges for fear of failure.
- Constant comparison. See stop comparing yourself.
- People-pleasing and difficulty saying no.
- Feeling unworthy of good things.
Where it comes from
Early experiences, criticism, bullying, comparison, academic pressure, social media and difficult life events can all shape self-esteem. It can change at any age.
Practical steps
1. Notice your inner critic
Write down self-critical thoughts. Ask, "Would I say this to a friend? What is a fairer view?"
2. Record strengths and achievements
Keep a list, including small things: helping someone, finishing a task, learning something.
3. Set small, achievable goals
Success builds confidence. Learning a skill, such as coding, design or a sport, gives evidence of capability.
4. Set boundaries
Saying no respectfully protects your time and teaches you that your needs matter.
5. Spend time with supportive people
Notice who leaves you feeling better or worse.
6. Look after your body
Sleep, food and movement affect mood and self-view.
7. Practise self-compassion
Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer someone you care about.
When to seek help
If low self-esteem is linked to persistent low mood, anxiety, eating problems or past trauma, therapy can help. See our therapy and counselling.
Frequently asked questions
Can self-esteem really change?
Yes, with consistent practice and, where needed, therapy.
Is confidence the same as self-esteem?
Confidence relates to specific abilities; self-esteem is overall sense of worth. They influence each other.
How can parents build a child's self-esteem?
Unconditional love, praising effort, giving responsibility and listening.
